This is pretty much how I feel lately. I find it hard to make up my mind about my gender. I feel like could make a list of things I like and hate about being male. I think there would be more things in the hate section.
I may actually do this soon...
So I went to my private healthcare provided by my work and cried my eyes out about being trans and confused. So they booked me in to see a counsellor, whom I am going to see this Friday. Only 20 minute walk from work.
It was odd though, I rang her and introduced myself. She said she didn't generally get names and how could she help me. I was about to start explaining and suddenly she interjects with "Oh, Ahuali! Of course, yes." Felt a bit embrasseding to be honest, but her voice softened and she spoke to me very kindly. Is this something that happens now? Will I be patronised as if I am a slow witted teenager? I imagine it was just her trying to be kind and reassuring and I am not going to insult anyone who is trying to help. But we'll see.
Also, went out and about in Cambridge yesterday half dressed. I got a few looks as sometimes those jeans can look very feminine but I every time I go out dressed I care less and less of what people think of me. Although there are obviously some places I would dare to go out dressed. But Ely and Cambridge are fine for now.
I wonder when I'll be confident enough to go to work in a state of dress.