Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Phone call

So I got a phone call yesterday from my potential GID doctor thingy, Dr Olive from the Norfolk(Norwich?) Gender Clinic. Which was good. I had a bit of an issue trying to convince him that I was actually in his area and did not fall under Cambridge which would have meant a lot of hassle.

But thankfully I'm not in Cambridge I'm in Norfolk and so can see the local clinic.

I was happy to get this call, which told me I was going to be finding out about an appointment soon and this is only after a couple of month of waiting which is quite good.

Thing is, I've kind of been a bit lack about the whole thing lately. I've sort of pushed it to the back of my mind as I knew I'd get a long wait, it's also still not totally convenient to dress and stuff most of the time. I still act the same and am the same but... well..

Another thing, this has brought back all the old fears, the main reason why I am not pursuing this with all my heart is that I really cant cope with how afraid I am of what it could mean. I thought I had dealt with this but sometimes I am more relaxed with the idea and other times I am not. I still identify generally as female. Mostly though I find it hard to identify with any gender, and I don't mean in a gender role kind of way I just mean in a self-projection way. But definitely more female than male.

which I hate in this body of mine. Fecking Irish-Italian genes. Even if I do have some normal English (Anglo-Saxon type stuff) and Romany, it is no where near as strong.

I don't know, like I said I think that if I just pushed it out of my mind I would be able to pretend I was dealing with it, but really I am not. This is set to be a fun couple of weeks/months/years.

But I will do this as much as I can, it may be slow (I want it to go slow) but it will happen, and I may be happy with it and all the other clich├ęs.

Also, sorry for the disjointed flow of this blog, I'm out of practise.