Tuesday, 6 September 2011

I am not transgender because

These are reasons and not reasons why I am transgender

I am not transgender because I grew up in an all woman household
I am not transgender because I spent a chunk of my youth in all womens hostels
I am not transgender because I like womens clothing and putting on make-up
I am not transgender because I wish to alienate myself from society
I am not transgender because I'm actually gay and can just snap out of all of it
I am not transgender because I had a shitty relationship with my father where he was always trying to build up my "manliness"
I am not transgender because I want to be a woman
I am not transgender because I every day I wake up and I see I am still in my male body I am overcome with sadness
I am not transgender because I hate how I can feel like I can feel my testosterone is flowing through my body and I hate it.
I am not transgender because I can't stand seeing all my male tells on my body, such as my facial hair.

I am transgender because I know that what I am inside is not what I am outside. I was born a male and I wish with all my heart I wasn't. Some of what is listed are what come with being transgender and others have nothing to do with at all, or even to do with me and how I may feel.
But I was dealt a hand that completely separated my mind from my body and put me in a situation where I do not feel I can ever be happy that a connection can be restored fully. Or maybe even partially. My body grew as a male body and became more so as the years went by, I grew taller, broader and hairier and my mind grew softer and more feminine and every time I had to take stock of myself I found myself wanting and lacking.

It is difficult, as it is for everyone, but I don't really care about passing or living as a female. I know that's how I'd be happiest but for me I just want to try and adjust my body to my mind as much as possible. Even if it is all in private and under my clothes.

Although I am fickle and this view could change tomorrow, it is how I am dealing with it now.


  1. VeVery well written. So many people try to understand who we are based on their lives and who they are and you can’t do that. I am a crossdresser and why I dress is hard for someone who does not share that want or desire to understand. Reading your post I can understand your thought but the feelings are hard to fully understand because I don’t have them. It is like someone in pain, they can tell you how much it hurts but without experiencing it for yourself one will never fully understand so all I or anyone else can do is except you for you.

  2. Very nice post! I came here through T-Central and really liked it. :)

    It's a bit funny that many people think those are the "reasons" that make us transgendered. :/ At first I was a bit surprised that they asked me if I was trans because of things like that (or even assured me that those are causes, even if I don't want to accept it). I identified a lot reading this.

    All the best!

  3. Found your blog through T-Central.
    Amazing post. I've not been keeping track of the questions that people ask me as to why I'm transgendered but I know I've had a conversation that revolves around at least one of them.
    Thanks you for sharing that :-)