Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Phone call

So I got a phone call yesterday from my potential GID doctor thingy, Dr Olive from the Norfolk(Norwich?) Gender Clinic. Which was good. I had a bit of an issue trying to convince him that I was actually in his area and did not fall under Cambridge which would have meant a lot of hassle.

But thankfully I'm not in Cambridge I'm in Norfolk and so can see the local clinic.

I was happy to get this call, which told me I was going to be finding out about an appointment soon and this is only after a couple of month of waiting which is quite good.

Thing is, I've kind of been a bit lack about the whole thing lately. I've sort of pushed it to the back of my mind as I knew I'd get a long wait, it's also still not totally convenient to dress and stuff most of the time. I still act the same and am the same but... well..

Another thing, this has brought back all the old fears, the main reason why I am not pursuing this with all my heart is that I really cant cope with how afraid I am of what it could mean. I thought I had dealt with this but sometimes I am more relaxed with the idea and other times I am not. I still identify generally as female. Mostly though I find it hard to identify with any gender, and I don't mean in a gender role kind of way I just mean in a self-projection way. But definitely more female than male.

which I hate in this body of mine. Fecking Irish-Italian genes. Even if I do have some normal English (Anglo-Saxon type stuff) and Romany, it is no where near as strong.

I don't know, like I said I think that if I just pushed it out of my mind I would be able to pretend I was dealing with it, but really I am not. This is set to be a fun couple of weeks/months/years.

But I will do this as much as I can, it may be slow (I want it to go slow) but it will happen, and I may be happy with it and all the other clich├ęs.


Also, sorry for the disjointed flow of this blog, I'm out of practise.

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    It's fine to have all those fears. It is scary and some times I have been so scared. That's normal. You are being honest with yourself and how you feel and believe me, your doctor/therapist will help you talk about how you feel. As long as you keep that openness about how you might want to live your life, you will resolve all this. Good luck for your next appointment :)

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