These are reasons and not reasons why I am transgender
I am not transgender because I grew up in an all woman household
I am not transgender because I spent a chunk of my youth in all womens hostels
I am not transgender because I like womens clothing and putting on make-up
I am not transgender because I wish to alienate myself from society
I am not transgender because I'm actually gay and can just snap out of all of it
I am not transgender because I had a shitty relationship with my father where he was always trying to build up my "manliness"
I am not transgender because I want to be a woman
I am not transgender because I every day I wake up and I see I am still in my male body I am overcome with sadness
I am not transgender because I hate how I can feel like I can feel my testosterone is flowing through my body and I hate it.
I am not transgender because I can't stand seeing all my male tells on my body, such as my facial hair.
I am transgender because I know that what I am inside is not what I am outside. I was born a male and I wish with all my heart I wasn't. Some of what is listed are what come with being transgender and others have nothing to do with at all, or even to do with me and how I may feel.
But I was dealt a hand that completely separated my mind from my body and put me in a situation where I do not feel I can ever be happy that a connection can be restored fully. Or maybe even partially. My body grew as a male body and became more so as the years went by, I grew taller, broader and hairier and my mind grew softer and more feminine and every time I had to take stock of myself I found myself wanting and lacking.
It is difficult, as it is for everyone, but I don't really care about passing or living as a female. I know that's how I'd be happiest but for me I just want to try and adjust my body to my mind as much as possible. Even if it is all in private and under my clothes.
Although I am fickle and this view could change tomorrow, it is how I am dealing with it now.
